Crappy Birthday Gift

So today is Little Man's birthday.  He turned 5 today, the big 5.  And we had a birthday party for him this past weekend.  It was a Batman themed party.  There were Batman masks, capes, bracelets, party horns, stickers, candy, pencils, erasers, plates, cupcakes.  You name it, if Batman could be slapped on it we had it.  He's been a hardcore Batman fiend for well over a year and the evite clearly stated this would be a superhero party (we didn't want to ostracize all the Marvel comic devotees). We mainly invited Little Man's friends at school, as well as one kid he wasn't really friends with.  Let's call this boy Doug.  Little Man was invited to Doug's party a few months ago and we went.  So the Big Man felt we should invite Doug to Little Man's party.  I was not for this reciprocity, but against my better judgement Doug was invited.  The party went well and it seemed all the kids had fun running around and getting high on sugar and pizza.  At the end of the party we packed up the birthday loot and took it all home.

Little Man, who is 5 going on 20, decided he would wait until his actual birthday to open all his gifts.  That seemed rather mature of him, and befitting his new stature as a 5 year old he waited until after dinner so we could all watch him open gifts as a family.  This went relatively well, considering he wanted to examine each and every gift in minute detail.  He had to read (yes, he can read) the description on each toy's box and examine the toy until I lost it and told him he better finish unwrapping all the gifts or he'd have to wait until next year to see what else he got.  He got to Doug's gift and the name on the card was misspelled.  That should have been a loud migraine inducing bell in my head that things would not bode well.  Obviously Doug's mom didn't quite catch how to spell Little Man's name from the evite.  Hmmm, maybe she had a bad day picking lice from her kid's head (another post) but we let it slide.  Than the paper was removed and we see a Kohl's box in front of us.  Okay, unless you're really familiar with the family and child, clothing (which was my first thought when I saw that box) is not really a good idea.  But I'm hoping there's a gift receipt inside and I can always exchange or return the items for something more appropriate.  The top of the box is ripped away (it was taped on all sides like the Crown Jewels were packed inside and could fall out at any moment) and the tissue paper was shoved aside.  Inside was something to lame and insulting none of us said anything for several seconds.  I sat there staring in disbelief, Big Man looked at me with shock and mouthed "what is that?", while Little Man said, "Wha...??".  Inside was some Jacks and a bear from Starbucks.

Jacks, that Depression era gift that all little girls played with for hours with fellow girl friends on the sidewalk, was given to my 5 year old son.  Along with a bear, bearing last year's date, from the Starbucks next to our preschool.  I bet that poor "Bearista" was either a gift to one of her kids or (this is what I'm leaning towards) a 75% off last year's model bear she decided to pick up while getting her morning latte the Friday before the birthday party.  Gee, talk about throwing together some crappy recycled gifts and calling it a day.  At least put a little effort into it, scrap the Jacks since this is supposed to be for a BOY.  I can understand the whole rationale behind regifting.  Regifting is an art form that needs to be appreciated in order to be successful.  I've done it myself but I try to make sure the gift is appropriate and the recipient would appreciate the item.  Plus, you never want to overlap people in case it ever gets back to them that you regifted.  But this "gift" was just insulting, and I'm absolutely flabbergasted that she had the nerve to wrap these crappy items up, in a Kohl's box, and slap a misspelled card on top of it.  It's just insult on top of insult on top of bad taste.  Big Man tells me that I just need to understand that the caliber of people out here is not what we're used to.  That's an understatement.  Where I come from a gift is something that is age and person appropriate.  That gift was so ridiculous I can't even put into words just how crappy it made us all feel.  Thanks Doug's Mom for killing the birthday buzz.  You sure know how to take the wind out of a 5 year old's birthday sails.  Now I'm just going to keep these crappy items and wait for an opportunity for me to wrap them all up in a Tiffany box for you.  Happy Mother's Day Bitch!